By: Jaclyn Shaffer
So you just got out of a relationship and you don’t feel as relieved as you thought. “Should I just go back to my significant other because it’s what I’ve known for ‘x’ amount of time?” “Are they okay?” “I feel like I’m disappointing those around me.” “What if they are the best I’ll have?” Those are all common feelings that girls express after ripping off the Band-Aid and ending things with their partner. A primary key to moving on is allowing yourself to be okay, and in order to do this, you have to forgive yourself. Here are a couple ways to get back to being yourself and forgiving yourself:

  1. Realize that breaking up was probably more mutual than you’re letting on.

Typically, girls put on a brave face when they first break up with their significant other because they know that it’s the best thing for them. But as time goes on, doubt has its way of sneaking into our minds. So what then? Well, clearly you had a reason for leaving your partner, so hold onto that at the very least. This isn’t me saying to never take the person back and have an open heart, but it is definitely okay to take time to yourself to become you again. Relationships, though no one really admits it, is emotionally and sadly sometimes physically draining. Guys typically hold on to what they have for as long as possible so congratulations to you, sis, for stepping up and taking the lead. 99% of the time, your significant other has realized you’ve been drifting as well; it wasn’t just you.

 2. Talk to your friends.

Especially if you’ve shut them out to be with your significant other. They may give you the cold shoulder and hit you with an “I told you so”, but it’s out of love. If they are your friends, they will welcome you with open arms.
 3. Get back to YOU.

Relationships are amazing and filled with love but they definitely can take a toll on our bodies. Take up a hobby that allows you to free your mind, like painting or pottery. Go to the gym or do some yoga. Be in a relationship with yourself and learn to love yourself inside and out. This is way easier said than done, and it does take time. Falling down is a part of that, but hey. That’s what friends are for.

  4. Reflect:

Granted everyone loves pointing fingers and putting the blame on someone else, what can you do to better yourself? What did your significant other have problems with you about? What are things that came up more than once and you found yourself say, “Oh wait, maybe I did or didn’t do this…”? Identify those things and work on them. Not saying that you have to run up and greet everyone like you did with your significant other, but work on building the relationships with everyone around you by showing appreciation and taking time to really listen to them rather than automatically defending yourself.

With that being said, I’m proud of you, girl. You took the first step to being happy. Relationships that ended in breaking up are learning lessons whether you end up getting back together or not. You’re one step closer to forever with that special someone, and you’re learning what works for you. So, good luck with everything. I wish you the best.

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